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 the blank page stares at me, beckoning, challenging me to fill its space. to express the thoughts and ideas and rants stirring deep within. the flashing cursor dares me, taunting me to be courageous and share what's inside.

but until today, something has stopped me. silenced me. almost. every. time.

fear.

fear has been my companion for quite a while. i don't know if it took root as a child, the unsettledness of multiple moves, growing in strength as i became a young single mom, carrying the burden of another human's life fully dependent on me, alone and uncertain.

perhaps fear's roots crept deeper as i watched the man i loved succumb to a devastating stroke, forever altering the course of our marriage, our family, our lives. or maybe its grasp clutched tight as i stood on our driveway one cool march morning and watched fire destroy our home, snatching away the life of our littlest, gaining in strength through the years that followed her death, as life unraveled into heartbreak, sorrow, and seemingly irreparable brokenness. shame. failure. emptiness. all unwelcomed companions of fear, well equipped to silence any voice.

can you relate? Circumstances may differ, but have you felt the clench of fear?

i've come to a conclusion - almost 40 years in the making.

i will no longer be silenced by the threat of fear. no more. i am done. i am done playing games. "what if..." "if only..." "i should have..."

ever been there? ever done that? ever played those games? they haven't gotten you very far, have they? you're in good company. me, either.

let's start with the game of "what if". i've become quite the expert these past many years. what would happen if instead of wondering "what if" we had done something different in our past, we shifted our gaze towards the future? what might happen if that same game that brought sadness and regret offered something more, something lighter, something, dare i say, hopeful?

what if...

what if i opened my heart, my soul, took a risk and jumped out in the open? what if you did the same?

what if i shared what's been floating about my mind, stirring in my soul?

what if i stood, bravely trembling, and invited others to join the conversation?

would they come?

would you?

i may not be the most eloquent of writers, but I will be honest. some of my word choices and sentence structures may frustrate you, but i will be authentic. i'll talk a lot about the bible and my relationship with jesus because, without either, i would not have survived. i'll raise issues regarding how we care for ourselves and others, especially those in pain because, quite frankly, we do a crappy job of it. i'm sure there will be many things we disagree upon, but my hope is to get you thinking.

and so...here we go...

          "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - lao tzu

i am ready to change the game of "what if" even as my hands shake, my soul quakes, and fear whispers every reason to remain silent. but if you're reading these words, you know i've done it. the journey has begun with that first. single. step.

how about you? what step do you need to take to move through your fear?
 


Comments

Laura Heipp
08/22/2014 8:02pm

Love the "single step". Made me revisit stuff I've worked through but will never be done with as God molds me. Rechecks are very nesisary I have found.

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Shana
08/22/2014 8:07pm

You ARE an eloquent writer......and you have great things ahead of you!! You inspire me. In SO many ways. Keep on sharing, my friend...xoxoxo

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08/22/2014 8:34pm

Looking forward to all that is to come on this blog. You inspire me!

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Andrea
08/22/2014 11:19pm

You are amazing! Thank you for your thoughts and words they are very touching and inspiring!

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Kim Plumer
08/23/2014 4:40am

You always inspire me with new thoughts & challenges. I'm looking forward to learning & growing with you in this new way.

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Nancy Osterberg
08/23/2014 7:30am

Way to go Kim!

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Kcameron
08/23/2014 11:45am

Your finally out of the boat walking on the water. Well done, great word choices....I look forward to reading more from you.

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Linda Cox
08/23/2014 3:32pm

I will be honored to continue to travel with you "One Step" at a time !! I've traveled with you through most of your life - sometimes with you and at other times on the sidelines - but ever present in special thoughts and daily prayers ! Love you TONS !!!

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08/25/2014 6:08pm

Beautiful word. Exactly the message I needed to read right now Kim. :) Love the way God does that!

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April
08/25/2014 7:03pm

I lived most of my life in fear from 6th grade on. Then I started the what ifs in my married life. Now I do my best to hope in tha Lord and be in the present. Thank you for your beautiful words!

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erin
08/27/2014 12:11pm

way to go kim!

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Anna
08/28/2014 11:26pm

Fear of actually living life gripped me in totality for years. May God bless you as He uses the gifts He gave you to bring others out of fear and into the lives we were each intended to live.

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bonnie
10/24/2014 12:10pm

ok, little late finding you kim, but as i suspected, well done good and faithful servant of God ... keep writing with Trust and Hope

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